Who Really Matters? Support v. Attack

I’ve had a long week! I hope everyone else’s is going somewhat smoothly! Finally got Rachel over her cold and to the point in her routine where she actually gets up and on the bus in the morning without too much resistance! Thank Heaven for small blessings, right?

I think one of the reasons I started writing myself is that I’ve seen other blogs fighting with each other, I’ve seen too many defensive and judgmental people attack each other, and then say that they’re here for support. I can see getting passionate about a position. I can even see defending your position. But to actively go after someone you don’t agree with because they don’t have the same feelings as you do about a very personal and lifelong journey that is their own? No, you are not here to support anyone, and if people can’t come to you with feelings they need to work through because they’re afraid they will be yelled at for having them, you are doing more damage than good, for them, and for the cause. 

Which would all be fine – after all, it’s your blog, your feelings, your passionate stand – if you didn’t actually seek out and attack opinions and feelings with which you don’t agree. Being an advocate for your child does not entail going after the feelings of other parents, all of us are trying to work things out the best way we can with the resources we have. And just as much as you get outraged that people think all autistic children are the same and don’t accept them as individuals, so you are doing the same to the parents. We are not all robots who flick a switch and turn on an “autism mommy” program when we hear the diagnosis. We can’t all deal with things the same way. As much as you resent people expecting you to train your child to be like them to be accepted, so you are not accepting other parents who are not exactly like you. Frankly, I think to be that defensive, intolerant, and judgmental, you have to have some insecurity and anger issues going on yourself. We come to know other autism parents (and in my case Infantile Spasms, epilepsy, and MR parents) because sometimes we just need an ear that can understand, we can get enough intolerance and attacks from the rest of the world to last a lifetime.

That being said, I still love this blog, it’s free therapy after all! And I still love everyone on here. I learned long ago not to put any stock in anyone who would gain satisfaction by making you feel bad, or worse, and I wouldn’t listen to a thing that comes out of his or her mouth. After all, it just gets them all the more worked up to know they don’t matter. Being nice is the best revenge lol!

I don’t know where that came from. I was going to write about the pattern of our life today, something we’re going through right now that made us a little sad all over again. But it can wait until tomorrow. Today I will just be thankful for all the wonderful, supportive people out there, the ones who do matter. And for all the wonderful things I get to read and process and be inspired by, thanks to all of you!